Birth stories are so personal and intimate; I thought maybe I shouldn't share about the day Emerson arrived. But, I also know both the benefit of writing my thoughts as well as having them documented somewhere. I'd like to say I think our daughter might want to read about the day she came into the world when she's older. Maybe not? If you didn't catch part 1, the basic gist is I planned and hoped for a natural birth, and well, it didn't happen. And long story short, I am totally okay with that. Like I said in the first post, I have a beautiful baby girl, and like everyone promised me when I was making my birth plan before she arrived, in the end, that's all you truly care about. The plan can fall by the waist side as long as she's healthy and happy. And, it's so true :)
So, let's get back to the story. If you remember, I was given Cytotec, which is a drug used to induce labor. It's a tiny pill they insert into your cervix. It doesn't work for all women, but for some, it can put you into full blown labor, and FAST. The midwife warned me I may go from 0 to 100 within a few minutes. I didn't know what that meant, but I quickly found out.
No joke, within 5 minutes of my water breaking at 10pm, I was having strong contractions just 1 minute a part from each other. I remember one second I was joking around with Beth (my best friend) and Jon (my husband), and then the next, they were still talking and I was doubled over in the bathroom, unable to talk or really do anything. "Ohhhh, so THIS is labor." Wow. There was no warm up period at all.
I moved from the bathroom back to the room, and I put my headphones in while I got on my knees and hovered over an exercise ball. I couldn't handle hearing outside conversations happening, so I turned up my music super loud so I didn't have to listen to them talk ha. What was the music of choice? Pandora 90's hits. Ironically I made this station just a few days before we went into the hospital. Jon and I were driving and we all of a sudden had the urge to listen to some good 90's music. So, as things were getting more and more intense, Christina Aguilera was telling me she was a genie in a bottle. Or something like that.
The contractions continued, and I began to feel out of control. I knew induction drugs could do this, and I didn't have any prior labor to compare it to, but I felt like I was just hanging on, almost like I was being thrown against a wall by a huge wave. There was no sense of time, but as soon as I'd be trashed from one contraction, another one would come within just a few seconds. The nurse came in at one point and told me the fetal monitors weren't picking up the baby's heartbeat because I was leaning over the ball and they kept falling down. We tried to get them to stay on (they are strapped to your belly with velcro) by holding them with my hand, but it still wasn't picking anything up, and this made the nurse concerned. It made me pissed, because it meant I had to change positions, and I didn't feel like I could stand up. All I wanted to do was lay on top of the exercise ball.
I eventually stood up, because the nurse said I'd have to get into the hospital bed if the monitors kept falling off, so I just basically leaned on Jon and Beth (read: collapsed on them as I tried to stand, still reeling from the pain which was getting even more intense). I tried to remember all the techniques we talked about in Lamaze class like relaxing, breathing, and having someone press on my back, but honestly, in that moment, I was approaching it like I do in a race; I tensed up and just pressed on. I didn't breathe into it. My shoulders were tense, my legs were tense, I couldn't relax. I should probably work on that for running, because that really can't be good.
The damn monitors kept falling off. WHY WON'T THESE THINGS STAY ON.
The nurse came back in and told me I had to get in the bed so the monitors could pick up the baby. I don't know why this upset me so much. I knew the baby was fine. I also knew trying to labor while lying on my back in the bed would be so painful. I didn't want to lay down. But I had no choice. Once in the bed, I started having back labor. Oh dear Lord.
I got back on my hands and knees while in the bed. I started crying, leaning over Jon and remember saying softly to him, "I think I'm almost done. I'm trying so hard, but I don't think I can go much longer. I know we talked about this, and you're supposed to say to me that I can do it, but I'm telling you I can't. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with getting pain medicine." I believe it had been 5 hours since my water broke.
The nurse came back in, the fetal monitors were picking up the baby a little better (still not great because I was still moving around quite a bit while in the bed), but I told her I'd like to get some stadol, a pain med that is essentially a drug that makes you sleepy and "takes the edge off" is what I had read on a few blogs. HA! Yea, it may have been 3 am, but I did not get sleepy, nor did it take the edge off.
About an hour later (I think . . .again, no sense of time during all of this. Just pain.), I said we needed to bring out the big guns. Let's go for the epi. "I'm okay with doing it." I said to my husband again. He told me he was proud of me, and that it would all be okay. Because I wasn't hooked up to an IV (I just had a hep-lock), I had to get some fluids in me before they'd give me the epidural. The fluid bag needed to be empty, which takes about 30 minutes. At that point, even though I could see the light because the epidural was coming soon, I was still in so much pain. Trying to breathe, but watching the fluid bag get less and less was like watching the minute hand on a clock. Brutal. Time was moving so slowly.
The epidural finally came, and I told the nurse anesthetist that I loved him, and it must be fun having a job where you get to make people in pain happy again. He was weirded out, but I didn't mind. He also told me during one of the contractions (because they were still going, and I was still being thrashed about), that I "need to cut that out. There will be no moaning or groaning." At that point my love for him turned to anger. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BABY? YEA, JUST STOP TALKING AND STICK THAT NEEDLE IN MY BACK. ha, I didn't say that, but seriously, who has the nerve to tell someone experiencing the pain of child birth that they need to hush? SMH, MEN.
Pretty much as soon as the epidural was given, I felt some relief. It was amazing that with each contraction, the pain became less and less. Amazing. Truly amazing. Do I still want a natural child birth at some point in my life? If we have more kids, yes, I do. But, I've never been more thankful for modern medicine.
The midwife came back in to check on me an hour after the epidural, and I had dilated to a 10! I couldn't believe it. I guess that was all I needed. Just needed to relax, and the epidural provided that. I was immensely grateful.
Time to meet this baby! The midwife set the room up for the baby to arrive, and it was time to push. 30 minutes later, at 5:20 am, Emerson Ruth Taylor arrived. It truly was the greatest moment.